I hate myself. I hate me now. I am in my darkest this whole time. I lose myself many times now because I lost you. I start blaming every thing around me. I hate to accept that your feelings has faded. I refused to let myself into a bigger pain. I know I am going to lose myself many more times from now, but I will try to let the brighter side of me take over. Right now as I talk to you, I feel happy. Because this is the brighter side of me. Calm, caring, understanding, loving. The side you love me inevitably. But not now anymore. But with our relationship ending, it felt like the first time when I am always so nervous and get so excited to talk to you. I was willing to stay up past my super early bed time to talk to you. Those old good times. And I still love you.