Love

It feels like I've lost everything that I once had. I was a little timid, shy, and friendly girl whom everyone would turn to when they faced difficulties. But now, times passed, and things have changed. I don't know if the change is better or worse. I've changed so much ever since I met a guy. I was attracted to him and it just seems like he's the most trustable guy who will never ever leave me. I feel secure whenever I'm with him. Feeling protected and secure, I guess the sense of it is what I really wanted ever since I was young because I'm always facing all kinds of weird problems. I've never guess that I would actually be able to meet a guy who can make me fall deeply in love at such young age. I am really grateful for him. It was my fault in the beginning of this relationship, that I reminded of his past which he had always been trying to get rid of. It was my fault to make him feel pain. Until one day, something just touched me and I realised how much I owe him. I began to change. I tried my best to change, change for him. But never will I know, that my personality has changed too. It drifted me from many of my friends. But I didn't mind, cause I love him. I gave up things, time, work, many much more than I knew. I began to fall deeper and deeper, wanting him more, needing him more. But well, as time passes, things changed. I didn't see it coming. Throughout, I compromise every quarrel, despite knowing that I'm hurt and I didn't deserve all of it. But it was love, that allowed me to give in. So.. years passed, I grew up, I understood and think more of things. And.. I realised how much I've gone through. All those hurts, they kept piling up. But I kept running away from it, thinking that I'll be fine. But I know I'm not. Heart broken. Normal I thought to myself. Everybody been through this. But he changed. I don't feel secure anymore. I just cant get over the pain. I tried to express myself, but he couldn't understand. I was upset. I have been crying myself to sleep many nights. It reminded me of who I was when I was a small little kid, so much of insecurities. He never knew, all these pain that was gradually built could hurt me so deeply. And I began to doubt everything. Promises broken, hearts shattered. People always say promises are meant to be broken. Well, for me, I don't think it this way. I feel that as long as somebody tried his best to fulfil the promises he made, it's more than enough. It's just kinda impossible to not break it, and nobody's perfect. But I guess I was really upset. Did you really see through the hurt I've been through? Did you really understand why I confronted you? You promised me you will try to mend the broken pieces back. I didn't expect it to be perfect, it can never be. Have you really tried your best? I wish you could just look through me. You said you love my voice, is that true? Because.. I no longer hear you saying that you miss my voice, or even me. You don't initiate call, or even outings. I was afraid and needed you many times in my life. But everytime I was afraid that it's irritating and yeah. Whatever. But now, you had less time for me. I could sense you urging to end the call. I didn't speak much then, but neither did you sense that I was hurt. I feel that sometimes, your life is just so much different from mine. I felt so.. left out, odd one out in your life I guess? Everything really has changed after you came. Better but now, worse. Many thoughts came across me. I doubted our love, yes, really gradually after I lost you. Maybe I should break away from this pain, I thought. But, everytime, I held on. I told myself to have more courage, to fight on further no matter how painful it can get. I had so much into him. But.. I really just wanna hand everything to God and let him decide my path now. I really want him in my future. And now I wonder if I can ever fall in love again.. ever..
I have so much to say but I don't know how to just express it to him anymore. Too lost for words when I see him. It just melts me when I saw him. Heart beating fast and faster. I can never bring myself to hurt him by any words. Neither can I afford any more hurts. I wish, the only wish. Nevertheless, I promise. I promise that I will do my best for the promises I've made to him. To be his guardian angel giving him endless support in whatever hard times, and him to be my happiness, the one who brought joy in my life still. I'm still deeply in love with him. And so I pray, I pray that God will give me the strength, courage, and a heart that would be able to compromise him and that I will be able to overcome the burden in me. And, I pray, that he is still happy. I love him.

I'm sorry but here is the only platform where I can release everything out. It's dead for quite a while so I guess nobody actually will be able to read it anymore.

You left me in this cruel world.

It's been more than a year since I updated my blog. I guess this is the only place where I can reveal my feelings. Many things happened throughout this year. It's hard. Really hard for me. And it just seems like I have no one to turn to. Everytime whether good or bad happens, I would like to turn to you. But you always turn me down. 
And now I wonder. What's on your mind. It's long since we had a long talk. There are many promises within us, incomplete. Why are you doing this to me. You know we had it all. You know what I did to hold this tight. Or do you even know? And with just one thought of yours, you end it all. Why didnt you tell me earlier. I'm like a fool all these while hoping to get us back. It's time you looked through me. Because of you, I've lost many in my life. And now that you're the only one left, you abandoned me in this empty field. Why, how, what am I supposed to do. I need go get back up alone without you and survive in this cruel world. You know the broken pieces in me. But you never knew how weak I was. Because I always have this smile readily to tell the world that no, I'm not weak I can handle this. I don't know what else to feel. It's a misery. 

Yo people~ Sorry that i have not been blogging since 8 dec >.<

Im too lazy and was really busy when school starts.. :P

Stayed back all days just for dance stuffs and for studies (:

Argh, not coping well with my studies!! EMaths and AMaths are super confusing for me.. And i didnt pay attention in my physics and chemistry classes too :( This is getting crazier T.T

There are so many contents to understand and memorise.. HISTORY, SS! ._.

This week's new year and I will still have to study for the upcoming tests.. Haizz, and i definitely flunked my EMaths test yesterday.. :'(

Gonna study at Msia but all the books damn thick sia.. haiyo XD

Yesterday night was busy taking photos of my textbook so that i can go back without the those textbooks but i must must must bring my AMaths! So afraid of Maths now.. x: Can't even enjoy my trip back to Malaysia :@

Nowadays alot of people are getting sick and there are more and more deaths.. Continuous 3.. What is wrong?... :'( Unfortunate accidents happened and loved ones were lost.. Sorry Zheng Xian that I couldnt attend the funeral.. Hope you and your family are doing fine..

Okay, go back to the active me! I'm gonna change my songs on the blog and i will start to watch my anime!! And then, do finish Physics homework so I dont have to bring it back to Malaysia :O (:

Bye people! I'm missing you much.. Even though you just left me in less than a day...

-ziwei ;)

Nowadays

Back home! (:

Modern Dance sucks today, seriously.

Discouraged me from dancing Comtemp dance ><

But, somehow I wished that I had dance for the whole day.

So that I would be so tired to even bother other things :D

Go home just bathe and sleep. Wow xD

Lazy blog today.. :P Bye! ^^

-ziwei

You're a very sensitive yet insensitive man.

Slept at 1 plus last night :O

Woke up at 9 plus and quickly washed up, eat breakfast, do housework, bathe then go out of house alr.. x:

Whole week of dance practices! Goodluck to me! XD

Went for dance practice, was late for 2 minutes! LOL :P

Did lyrical hip hop and then modern dance.. Super tiring! Ask Ellen change steps, she change into more challenging ones >< I rather don't change sia.. It would be so much easier! :(

Hurt my back and skinburn today again.. Zzz.. Shoulder injured also.. Haiyo~

Dance dance dance then go near MRT slacked and ate abit with Jiamin :D

Had been skipping lunch these few days.. Hehe xP

Chit-chat with Jiamin xD We keep laughing in the mrt sia, then she banged so mnay people.. Haha!

Reached home at around 8 pm.. Bathe and ate dinner :)

Nasi Lemak made by my mummy for dinner! ;)

Hungry hungry! XD

Having stomachache again >< Seriously.. WHAT DID I ATE WRONG?! =.=

LOL.

Okay la.. Post again next time.. I shall entertain myself from now on (:

Byebye ^^

-ziweilove&missdieyou<3

Not sleeping well nowadays :O

Sleep until 9 plus then ate breakfast. :)

Wash up and went out for dance practice.. It's starting at 1! Was late for dance again :(

Arggghhh..

Cant be late tomorrow~ ><

I'm so tireddd.. Hurt my back while practicing 'Snake' again T.T

Omgg, I'm so gonna catch up in modern dance!!

Somehow I feel that the more i practice, the more i got worse.. Ahh~

Tmr got dance again.. at 1 pm again.. Got modern dance tmr! :O

It feels so weird dancing without Jiamin..

11-12 more days to performance! That's fast xD Hehe..

Churchies will be coming back tmr ^^

Quickly reach singapore la xP

Alright~ I shall go watch my Fairy Tail now :D Bye people~ ;)

-ziweilove&missdieyou<3

Hihi! (;

Okay.. So.. I didnt sleep well last night..

Woke up at 4 plus and didnt want to go back to sleep until my mummy wakes up..

Couldn't move much on my bed and my headache was aching throughout the night :(

Couldn't take the pain anymore!! :S

Finally, she woke up at 5 plus..

She gave me medicine.. Was actually haviing a high fever since last night , even before i sleep. :O

Mummy nagged at me for not waking her up when I was having fever..

I then dont dare get off my bed in he middle of the night leh! :P

The medicine workks :D Went back to sleep until 8 plus..

Ate breakfast and went back to sleep awhile more.. (:

Wake up, do housework and bathe :D

Went out with Clique to watch 'Already Famous' at amk.. The show is nice (Y) ^^

The chubby kid so cute xD Hehehe..

After movie, went home.. Wanted to Claire's house but mummy doesnt allow me to go as Im sick :(

I want to watch Apple of My Eye!! :) My sister watched without me >< Good lor~ xP

Now got stomachache =.= Then just now diarrhea x: Why am I getting sick now? :O

But I'm a superwoman so I recover fast! :D Hehe.. Bet i will recover by tmr (;

Gotta go for dance tmr again.. :( I just wanna sleep the whole day! :P

Hmm.. Wondering what are the churchies doing now.. :)

Alright.. Shall post again next time.. Bye~ ^^

-ziweilove&missdieyou<3